Lifestyle Opinion

In Defense of Thigh Liberation

Sam Hine, Williams ’15, defends Chubbies in their time and place:

Though at this point sweatpants will dominate the “fashion” scene on ‘Cac campuses until well after the end of Winter Study, you’ve probably seen them over the summer or at a party at the lax house: bros decked out in radical pastel shorts that seem to be missing about 4” of inseam.

These are Chubbies: the most radical weapon at the front of the war against cargos and mid-shin-length thighwear. Chubbies Shorts’ brilliance is in their guerrilla campaign to inextricably link the shorts directly to wearer’s masculinity; in doing so they’ve successfully infiltrated the main enemy camp—“bros,” for lack of a better term—of ill-fitting short-wearers.

Even the most casual glance around Chubbiesshorts.com will notice gems of subtle persuasion like, “These bikini collectors will keep you draped in scantily-clad womenfolk for as long as you can handle it,” etc. Chubbies’ aggressive social media campaign that highlights “Chubsters” shot-gunning beers like good Americans has solidified the bodacious shorts’ status as a new prep staple across collegiate campuses.

Not surprisingly, the mantra of “sky’s out thighs out” has been embraced all over the ‘Cac, and the amount of Twitter-hate I’ve seen has forced me to defend these skimpy shreds of fabric. I don’t fit into the muscular-thighed, overwhelmingly hetero stereotype that the “Chubsters of the Week” seem to conform to, but I have a few pairs of Chubbies that I’ve had many a radical weekend in.

Some ‘Chubsters of the Week’ via  chubbiesshorts.com:

The problem is that Chubbies Shorts has been almost too successful in demolishing the stereotype that short shorts are solely for chicks and hipsters—so successful, in fact, that people are starting to take Chubbies seriously.
Chubbies, my friends, were made to wear to BBQs, the beach, and pretty much any other leisurely endeavor that can be done with a Keystone in hand. Believe me: these things don’t slay the ladies on a daily basis. That cute girl who sits across from you in your Russian history seminar doesn’t want to see that far up your hairy thigh, no matter how many squats you put in at the gym…

But come Crawfish Boil in the spring and those dudes wearing ten-inchers won’t stand a chance. It’s probably true that if you’re not a fan of Chubbies you either love pants or hate fun, but ‘Cac dudes, myself included, could certainly do everyone a favor by waiting to #boomslam when the time is right.