Lifestyle Wesleyan

Wes’s Franzia: Future E-mail Campaign

Wes’s Tour de Franzia tradition is known for sending students to the hospital, blunt objects through fragile objects, and trash to anywhere but the trashcan. Clearly, this is a problematic history for a practice that many non-academics agree is essential to the preservation of Wesleyan’s culture.

Thus, with the best intentions, Wes Admins eagerly tried to head off yet another year of hospital transports and boxed wine triage with a proactive spate of e-mails (full bodies of which can be viewed on Wesleying). Emails were sent…

-From Dean Brown to 2013
-From Dean Melendez to 2014
-From Rabbi David to Wesleyan’s Jewish Community
-From Dean Melendez to 2014 Class Council
-From Dean Mike Whaley to parents, March 9
-From Dean Mike Whaley to All Campus, March 8
-From Dean Rick Culliton to various university staff (and forwarded to student library workers)

Alas, to no avail–Tour de Franzia came all the same. Perhaps if MORE e-mails had been sent, last weekend could have been devoted to long sojourns in the library accompanied by benign amounts of Diet Coke. For future reference, The ‘Cac suggests e-mails…

-From President Roth to Alumni Working in the Film Industry
-From Dean Mike Whaley to Shitheads Who Don’t Read Campuswide Emails (left on a large post-it in the pooping stall)
-From Tufts’ Men’s Crew Team to Wesleyan’s Crew Teams
-From Dean Mike Whaley to Parents Living in Communes (seed packets included)
-From Dean Mendelez to Students Who Have Already Started Drinking, March 8^th
-From Dining Staff To Students Who Steal Cups
-From Dean Mike Whaley to The Parent Who Replied “LOL” to His Previous Email
-From President Roth to the Residents of Middletown, an Advance Apology
-From Governor John Hickenlooper to His Staff, Note: Buy Franzia

Oh well, there’s always next year.