Wesleyan

Shroom-fueled Naked Romp Ends in Tasering

Recent events have hinted at the fact that Wes students and alumni alike aren’t above feeling the wind on their cheeks. However, the inability to keep the Cardinal in its nest per say has left one student with a lot of explaining to do.

According to the Middletown Patch and Middletown Police arrest reports, a Wesleyan student has been charged with “second-degree criminal trespass, interfering with an officer, assault of a public safety officer, and second-degree breach of peace” after a shrooms-fueled naked romp around a local neighborhood. 

The Patch reports, “On the scene, police saw a naked man running up the hill of Jukonski’s Auto on Thomas Street toward Butternut Street and past several people enjoying Butternut Hollow Park, the report says.

Officers ordered Shafer-Landau to put his hands in the air and to stop, however, he ran about 20 feet before police tackled him, the report says, as he struggled and pulled one officer’s hair.

The report says a Taser was used, which allowed officers to get one of Shafer-Landau’s hands in handcuffs but he pulled away and needed to be Tased a second time. Still, he flailed his feet, so officers put shackles on his ankles and carried him to the car as Shafer-Landau “contorted” his body and struggled.

Back at the home, a 10-year-old female victim said in the report she was in her kitchen looking out the window when a man ran from the woods in the back yard toward the house, opened the outside door and came inside the porch.

It’s unclear when exactly the man became unclothed.”

Whether this poor girl saw Butt er Nut is beside the point, if you’re going to be eating brownies infused with the fruits of the forest floor (as the article later identifies as the source of the shrooms) you better make sure you have a designated friend (hallucinated or real, any friend will do) tucking you into your Ninja Turtle sheets for the night.