Totally Crazy, Should’ve Taped It
When I first heard about the Second Annual NESCAC Summit, I was pretty indifferent. I thought, “A forum for NESCAC students to get together and recognize a shared lifestyle? Could be cool, I guess.”
However, the more the SGA hyped it up on their Twitter account, the more concrete the whole concept seemed. “OMG!” I said aloud (raising my voice slightly, like the inexplicable increase in applications to small liberal arts schools that wipe their collective ass on your parent’s retirement fund).
“I can just picture it now”…
Conn representative: Alright everyone thanks for coming, and thanks for leaving your Nalgenes on the amnesty table outside–House rules, LOL….Whelp, I’m just going to open up the floor to whoever wants to speak first…anyone?…oh, great! J Crew model why don’t you start us off.
Trinity representative: Whatever. I’m just going to go ahead and bring up the elephant in the room.
Conn rep: Uhhh, Tufts didn’t show.
Trinity: *Condescending look* I mean the clear lack of safety on our campuses. When students are getting mugged in broad daylight, or beaten to the point of hospitalization, and such incidents are trivialized in vague emails to the student body, then the administration has failed us in the most basic sense.
Bowdoin rep: *blinks*
Colby rep: *blinks*
Wes: I mean that’s obviously the product of clear community tensions that are a result of urbanization outpacing the availability of resources to those who have been traditionally ghettoized (and I’m talking blacks AND whites here) in the urban environment. We’re not going to solve the atrocity that is capitalism in this one session, but I would like to say that concert booking has become a fucking nightmare. Did you guys note Grizzly Bear’s price increase (not that we would book them NOW anyway) but bunch of fucking sell-outs if you ask me–Passion Pit 2.0, if you will.
Conn rep: Good. Those are really great points you guys! Now does anyone have something that they think relates to EVERYBODY here?
Bowdoin: Yankees suck.
Trinity rep #2: HEY. FUCK YOU.
Colby rep: Guys, guys, come on. Let’s talk about the definition of sexual misconduct…it’s pretty grey right?
Bowdoin: Nah dude, it’s pretty clear.
Colby: Not when you’re wasted.
Bowdoin: Are you wasted right now?
Bowdoin: Then it should be clear. Unless you’re just SAFETY SCHOOL.
Conn: HEY. I take offense to that.
Williams: *muttering* you would
Conn: Excuse me? Williams, you’ve been pretty quiet, do you have something to share?
Williams: Just this *lifts up shirt revealing tattoo of cow doing lewd things to Lord Jeffrey Amherst*
Trinity rep #1: *gasps*
Wes: *takes instagram photo*
Trinity rep #2: *chuckles*
Bowdoin: Is it lunch yet?
Conn: Well it’s not quite…it’s only half past…*shrugs* we could do lunch
Colby: Thank god, I’m starved. Where can a bro get a Panini?
Needless to say, when the SGA forwarded an actual description of the summit’s events I experienced a small moment of anti-climax–but we here at The ‘Cac are all about institutional voices so here’s the scoop, skippers:
“This year we had representatives from Bowdoin, Colby, Conn, Williams, Wesleyan, and Trinity come to the second annual student government NESCAC Summit.
Through discussion about the various social lives on our campus, we realized we had similar issues: the role of alcohol, relationships with Campus Security, vandalism, bias- incidents, and student engagement in school sponsored events. We talked about what our schools did in response to these problems that were successful and asked what others thought about the issues that faced our campuses. We discussed what a typical weekend was like at our respective schools, and the most prominent issues we came in contact with on a weekly basis. We were able to share ideas about events and policies that may improve a student’s social experience in the Cac.
We were also able to compare the way our student governments are set-up and other important differences among our schools, such as Honor Codes, structure of dorms, peer-mentor/advising programs, and major party holidays.
Overall it was a great experience! We even got to share a typical night at Conn with the rest of the Cac schools that came. We have made plans to continue the tradition of the NESCAC Summit next year and hope to see even more NESCAC schools there!”
Should’ve said there’d be Quidditch.